( louis pays her a visit one night when the club is more or less quiet. he brings a gift, a black velvet hair ribbon wrapped around a book of occult tales from some other far-off world, all purported to be true, all ringing false to louis's ears. he seems distracted, inwardly, in the way that he often is when something's been bothering him.
it doesn't take him very long to come out with it. )
Claudia... I know that I haven't been very good to you. I'm not sure that I know how to be good to you, but that isn't any kind of an excuse, and I'm so very sorry for it.
( his brows furrow guiltily, hands wringing before him in a nervous mortal gesture. )
[Things have been different, lately. Her own affairs have kept her secluded enough as it is, and she's kept up to date with the goings-on of the network. With the announcement that Rafa had vanished, it was an easy enough assumption to make that Louis would likely be valuing his privacy, as well as finding solace in the comfort of others.
So when he arrives with a gift, she accepts it with muted surprise, and examines the offered collection of books while he finds his voice. It's a good excuse not to stare intently at him while he collects his thoughts, and after all, this is a lovely gift. Finally, Louis says what has been bothering him, and Claudia offers him a hand, seeking to pull him down to the booth with her.]
Of course you may.
[She decides against voicing her thoughts about how he may or may not have treated her. More than anything, Claudia muses on what answers he may be hoping for, concerned that she may not have them.]
( louis sits close to claudia in the booth, their knees not quite touching, though he wouldn't mind the closeness if it were offered. he does keep her small porcelain hand in his, though, cradling it between his atop the table as gently as if he were holding a dove, instead of the stone-rending claws of a fellow killer like himself. )
For so long, you were my only true companion. I've always presumed a great deal when it comes to your desires... for so long, I selfishly wished for them to be always aligned with my own, even if that would deny you your own chance to grow.
( he's been watching their hands, he realizes, and raises his eyes to meet her piercing blue ones. )
I want to be near you without always finding myself lost in the past. Claudia... what place do I have in your life if you aren't a child anymore?
( if she wasn't a child for much longer than louis had ever realized. )
[It's a hard question to answer. Claudia doesn't remove her hand from his, watching him with all of her characteristic inscrutability as he spills his heart, his insecurities. Her silence, her statuesque stillness, may appear at first to denote lack of caring on her part. But finally, as he asks his question, as the silence stretches between them, she brings her other hand to join the others, her expression softening.]
Why must we carry ourselves this way, that we should be neither what the other wishes? You, wanting me as a daughter and me, wanting you as a lover.
[If she never said it outright, she will now, cards on the table: the extent of her feelings.]
These are things neither of us can have. I cannot bear being only a child to you, and you cannot bear the love that I have, the lack of innocence to it.
[But with all that said and done, despite all her anger, her sometimes hatred, how could she ever wish him gone? Leaving him has always been, will always be, the hardest thing to choose. And it feels, here, as if she shouldn't have to.]
Can we not be companions, still? You're the only one I've ever felt comfortable to speak plainly to. I miss our discussions, the sound of your laughter. My home is an empty shell without you in it.
( louis is so overwhelmed with sudden feeling that he's afraid that he might actually weep. his throat feels tight, as if too many words are caught up in it, as if his useless breaths might quiet his racing heart. it sounds like such a simple, obvious answer, but things have never been simple or obvious between them even when he thought them so. he's always had an inherent need to put everything into neat and tidy categories — to label his relationships so that he can understand what they are and perform his duties appropriately. to behave like a mortal would, in short.
he pulls her hands to his chest and shuts his eyes, nodding once, very solemnly. he kisses her knuckles and nods again, eyes stinging as he blinks back tears, wondering what she must think of this absurd sentiment. )
I would like that very much indeed.
( he doesn't actually weep, but it is a near thing. his eyes are rimmed with a faint red that perhaps only her vampire eyes can see. he loves her, still, so dearly, after all this time, even without the fear and confusion that had made them one another's entire world. )
I want to hear you speak plainly with me again. I want you to be able to call on me when you need me. I want to know your heart, and for you to know mine… because we love each other, because we chose it, and not because we have no one else.
[It's still very difficult, in a way, particularly for a woman as stubborn as Claudia. She wants him still, the way that she pleases...but knows when she has reached the limit of possibility. And if this is what they can have, now: she will take it.
Better to have Louis in her life as a trusted friend than to not have him at all. There will still always be love.]
Oh, Louis. You will always be my choice, no matter who else there may be.
[No matter who else may come and go, regardless of other types of love that may enter her life, or his: in their separate eternities, he will always be her soulmate.
Moving closer to him, so their bodies are truly pressed together, Claudia cranes up to plant a sweet kiss upon his bowed forehead.]
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it doesn't take him very long to come out with it. )
Claudia... I know that I haven't been very good to you. I'm not sure that I know how to be good to you, but that isn't any kind of an excuse, and I'm so very sorry for it.
( his brows furrow guiltily, hands wringing before him in a nervous mortal gesture. )
May I ask you a foolish question?
no subject
So when he arrives with a gift, she accepts it with muted surprise, and examines the offered collection of books while he finds his voice. It's a good excuse not to stare intently at him while he collects his thoughts, and after all, this is a lovely gift. Finally, Louis says what has been bothering him, and Claudia offers him a hand, seeking to pull him down to the booth with her.]
Of course you may.
[She decides against voicing her thoughts about how he may or may not have treated her. More than anything, Claudia muses on what answers he may be hoping for, concerned that she may not have them.]
no subject
For so long, you were my only true companion. I've always presumed a great deal when it comes to your desires... for so long, I selfishly wished for them to be always aligned with my own, even if that would deny you your own chance to grow.
( he's been watching their hands, he realizes, and raises his eyes to meet her piercing blue ones. )
I want to be near you without always finding myself lost in the past. Claudia... what place do I have in your life if you aren't a child anymore?
( if she wasn't a child for much longer than louis had ever realized. )
no subject
Why must we carry ourselves this way, that we should be neither what the other wishes? You, wanting me as a daughter and me, wanting you as a lover.
[If she never said it outright, she will now, cards on the table: the extent of her feelings.]
These are things neither of us can have. I cannot bear being only a child to you, and you cannot bear the love that I have, the lack of innocence to it.
[But with all that said and done, despite all her anger, her sometimes hatred, how could she ever wish him gone? Leaving him has always been, will always be, the hardest thing to choose. And it feels, here, as if she shouldn't have to.]
Can we not be companions, still? You're the only one I've ever felt comfortable to speak plainly to. I miss our discussions, the sound of your laughter. My home is an empty shell without you in it.
no subject
he pulls her hands to his chest and shuts his eyes, nodding once, very solemnly. he kisses her knuckles and nods again, eyes stinging as he blinks back tears, wondering what she must think of this absurd sentiment. )
I would like that very much indeed.
( he doesn't actually weep, but it is a near thing. his eyes are rimmed with a faint red that perhaps only her vampire eyes can see. he loves her, still, so dearly, after all this time, even without the fear and confusion that had made them one another's entire world. )
I want to hear you speak plainly with me again. I want you to be able to call on me when you need me. I want to know your heart, and for you to know mine… because we love each other, because we chose it, and not because we have no one else.
no subject
Better to have Louis in her life as a trusted friend than to not have him at all. There will still always be love.]
Oh, Louis. You will always be my choice, no matter who else there may be.
[No matter who else may come and go, regardless of other types of love that may enter her life, or his: in their separate eternities, he will always be her soulmate.
Moving closer to him, so their bodies are truly pressed together, Claudia cranes up to plant a sweet kiss upon his bowed forehead.]